On Having a Sense of Humour

What does it mean to have a sense of humour?

It's one of those phrases everybody uses but I'm not sure everybody has really considered.

I ask because I am getting tired of being accused of having no sense of humour when I fail to be amused by something that isn't funny.

A lot of people seem to think that having a sense of humour means laughing at anything that was meant as a joke.

The same people seem to think that not laughing at just anything that was meant as a "joke" means that you don't have a sense of humour.

I submit that the opposite is true.

Having a "sense of" something means having an intuitive or even a learned sense of discernment in a particular area, meaning you have the ability to judge quality within that area.

Let's just say, hypothethically, that I'm known for my fashion sense. What does that mean?

Does it mean that when I sit on a bench in the mall, watching people walk by, I think that every outfit every shopper is wearing is stylish?

If a friend came over to me wearing a tea-length cocktail dress with a Bedazzl'd trucker cap, John Deere knee socks and rainbow clogs, and I asked her what she was thinking when she got dressed, would it make sense for her to accuse me of having no fashion sense?

No, of course not. It would BE my very fashion sense that would tell me that what she was wearing was not stylish.

My recognizing that her outfit was hideous and refraining from complimenting her on it would only underscore and reaffirm my fashion sense.

On the other hand, if I were to gush over her ensemble and ask her to put together something similar for me for an upcoming wedding date, it would be a clear signal to anybody watching us that I didn't have any fashion sense.

My having a good fashion sense means that I have the ability to discern between style and, well, non-style. I am a good judge of how stylish an outfit is and if there is any style in it at all. (Please remember that this is a hypothetical )

By the same token, then, if somebody says something to me that they mean as a "joke" and I don't laugh, or I tell them it wasn't funny, because it WASN'T FUNNY, it makes no sense for them to accuse me of having no sense of humour.

Having a sense of humour, or a good or great sense of humour means precisely that I have an attuned sense of what is humourous and what isn't.

If somebody tells me a joke that is cruel, derogatory, stupid, tacky, dirty, tired and hackneyed or, almost worst of all, just plain not funny, then my not laughing doesn't indicate my not having a sense of humour.

In fact, if somebody tells me an unfunny joke and I do laugh, then that shows a lack of a sense of humour. Because laughing at what isn't funny shows that I don't have a clear sense of what really is funny.

And also, if I go about laughing indiscriminately at every ostensible joke, it also shows that I lack sense in the area of humourousness. (I didn't think of it until just now, but I personally experienced this from a young age, as the laughee. I was very early on given the label of "funny," especially as an identifier among my extended family. Having given this pronouncement, my relatives laughed at just about everything I said - even when I wasn't joking. Not only was it frustrating if I was really being serious - and being a child made it more difficult to deal with - but it also caused me to lose a little respect for the person's sense of humour, though I'd not have worded it that way then and didn't realize it in those words until just now.)

Here's a quotable, original to myself as far as I know:

A person with a keen sense of humour is one who knows when something isn't funny, and doesn't laugh.

The better "sense of" something a person has, the more discerning they are on that subject.

The better my fashion sense, the more offended my eyes will be by what's unstylish.

The better my sense of propriety, the more sensitive I will be to what's improper.

The better my sense of timing, the more aware I will be of lousily timed events.

The better my sense of humour, the less I'll laugh at what isn't funny.